Well, I hope you had a good time. What’s that? You’ve got a hang over? Good. What? No, I will not keep it down. I just hope that you enjoyed the derogatory and offensive celebration.

Look, even though my last name doesn’t sound like it, I’m Irish. I have red hair. I drink Guinness and Jameson Whiskey (because they’re damn good). I’m proud of my family history, but let’s admit that yesterday was a bullshit holiday, okay? It does nothing more than perpetuate an ugly stereotype of the Irish people. You know who I bet really loved yesterday? All the recovering alcoholics who were cursed with a genetic predisposition to drink thanks to their Irish heritage. I think the Irish are the only ethnic group that takes pride in how their slurred. Is it just me or is being depicted as a raging drunk who beats his wife and has waaay to many kids the only politically incorrect insult that everyone seems to let slide? You could make a crack about that guy in your office named Chris O’Shea by saying he drinks too much cause of his last name and everyone around your desk would laugh and agree (including him). But if you joke that Chris Abrahamson is good with money because of his last name, you’ll probably get fired.

You can say that yesterday was all in good fun, but let’s face facts. If there was holiday to celebrate Italian heritage in which everyone dressed up in pinstripe suits and quoted Goodfellas and the Godfather while eating cannolis, there would be protests in the street. Or how about one for Mexican Americans in which people wear giant foam cowboy hats and drink tequila? Or even better, a day for African Americans where we all eat fried chicken and collard greens? Okay, that last one was a little harsh, but you get my point.

I think what bothers me the most is that here are a people that many credit with saving western civilization after the fall of the Roman Empire. In which spawned some of the greatest thinkers, poets, and novelists of their ages. Who suffered oppression and hardship. All reduced to this:


Just call it “I want to get blasted and wear green” Day and be honest about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get drunk. What’s that? St. Patrick’s Day’s over? Oh, but I’m Irish…I drink like that everyday.