I love evolution.

I love evolution.

Being an open-minded guy living in New York, I have a wide variety of diverse friends and acquaintances. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, Gay, Straight, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Fat, and Skinny; basically I can get along with anyone. I even have a few friends who voted for McCain (though I find if we don’t talk about the election, there’s less of a chance for fisticuffs). But there’s one group of friends that I’m at my wits end with: Vegetarians and Vegans.

It’s not like I’m a big meat eater or anything. One of the big staples in my recipes-I-know-by-heart mental category is Cuban black beans and rice (other meals include spaghetti and ramen noodles) and I prefer soy milk in my coffee. But I just can’t take it anymore.

The tipping point for me was yesterday, when my buddy Chris posted on his blog an argument for the pros of vegetarianism that cites a study claiming meat eaters are 30% more likely to die prematurely from cancer or heart disease than non-meat eaters. For Chris, this is somehow proof that the eating habits of an herbivore will automatically make him live longer. It’s a classic case of confusing correlation with causation. Yes, if you are a vegetarian, you are more likely to be healthy and live a longer life. But that’s because a lot of people who are vegetarians are also health conscious (which meat eaters can also be). You can be a vegetarian, not workout, and eat crap—last time I checked, french fries, donuts, and Funions didn’t have any meat in them—and then drop dead of a heart attack. I wonder what percentage of people who have a balanced diet, work out on a regular basis, and are also likely to live a long life compares to people who do nothing for their health.

I think what bothers me the most is that being a vegetarian (or vegan) is a betrayal of your human nature. Your genetic ancestors fought and died for you to reach this point. If the hunter gatherer caveman that you directly descended from watched you turn away a juice steak, he’d smack you on the head with his wooden club. We’re omnivores, the cutting edge of evolution—it’s how we became the most power animal on this planet (beating out bears, lions, tigers, sharks, and kangaroos). All the other species envy and want to be like us. Just look a cow in the eyes and tell me he doesn’t wish he had the ability to kill and eat anything he wanted.

We’re on top of the food chain, behave accordingly.