So I was planning to a post an essay I’m working on about Yoda (I am a bit of Star Wars geek) and how his constant inability to use proper grammar, despite his practically omnipotent Jedi powers, is an obvious insult and a sign of his contempt for humanity. It’s going to be great. My working title is “Yoda is a D-Bag (the D is short for “Douche).” Yeah, I know. Awesome, right? Unfortunately that will not be appearing today.

Instead, I have breaking news out of New York, specifically Mid-Town,  that will affect the rest of the world. The modern colloquial term “Cougar,” defined by the Urban Dictionary as “Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the ‘hunt’ for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male,” is now officially done. Obsolete. Jumped the Shark. Dead.  The reason? This:


Please bury the phrase in the same dark pit of your soul in which “Bling-Bling,” “Talk to the hand,” and Yo Mama jokes are now kept. Thank you, that is all.