Jon GosselinI like to think of this blog as my outward communication to the world in general. A digital version of a manifesto that I write in my shack secluded in the Montana wilderness. Generally, my writing has focused on observations and statements that explore my bizarre thought process in some vain hope that it will give way to a sort of cathartic exercise in rhetoric. But that’s not what I’m going to do today. No, today is me just being lazy and listing some things that everyone else is obsessed with and I couldn’t care less about. Deal with it.

  • Jon and Kate Gosselin.
    I cannot emphasize how much I do not care about these people. I used to tease my girlfriend that because she watched the show, she helped fed into the fame that played a part in breaking up this family and was thus partly responsible. Now, I just don’t give a shit enough to do that. They had a bunch of kids, got famous for it, and then became assholes. It’s not that interesting a story and certainly not headline news. Whatever problems these people have, I’m pretty sure they’ll work themselves out if everyone just ignores them.
  • Annoying Facebook Games.
    Look, if I’m friends with you on Facebook, it means that I generally think you’re a cool person and don’t absolutely hate you. If I haven’t blocked your status updates, links, or wall posts, it means that you haven’t offended me with misspellings, text abbreviations, or ultra-conservative opinions. But seriously people, enough with the goddamn games. I don’t care about what you’re up to in Mafia Wars or on Farmville. How are you doing? You know, in real life. Also, please stop sending me invitations to join you in said games.
  • Michael Jackson.
    He’s dead. At one point he made great pop music and then probably had inappropriate sexual contact with boys. Just get over it.
  • Chaste Teenage Vampires.
    Sigh. Vampires are an allegory for sexual desire. You know the whole swapping of bodily fluids by penetrating the skin, usually belonging to members of the opposite sex, with fangs …at night. With all this Twilight crap, there’s a perpetuation of a myth more unbelievable than vampires…hot teenagers not having sex.

    In closing, please stop talking about, publicizing, doing, or reading these things…or whatever, I don’t care.