According to a recent New York Times-CBS News poll, two-thirds of Americans believe that race relations are “generally good.” Some may argue that an election season that ended with this country’s first African-American president created an atmosphere in which Americans finally felt comfortable enough to begin a dialogue about race in this country. Then again, there’s this:

Furniture! Of course, that’s the real source of our new found racial harmony. It makes me wonder if racism stems from a misunderstanding that people of color don’t enjoy sitting comfortably.

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So I was planning to a post an essay I’m working on about Yoda (I am a bit of Star Wars geek) and how his constant inability to use proper grammar, despite his practically omnipotent Jedi powers, is an obvious insult and a sign of his contempt for humanity. It’s going to be great. My working title is “Yoda is a D-Bag (the D is short for “Douche).” Yeah, I know. Awesome, right? Unfortunately that will not be appearing today.

Instead, I have breaking news out of New York, specifically Mid-Town,  that will affect the rest of the world. The modern colloquial term “Cougar,” defined by the Urban Dictionary as “Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the ‘hunt’ for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male,” is now officially done. Obsolete. Jumped the Shark. Dead.  The reason? This:

cougar

Please bury the phrase in the same dark pit of your soul in which “Bling-Bling,” “Talk to the hand,” and Yo Mama jokes are now kept. Thank you, that is all.